I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
