I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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