I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
