You just made me feel so damn special
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
