Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
