dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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