My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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