Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
