remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
