i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
