My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
