Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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