a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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