Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
