I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
