And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
