How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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