brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
