I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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