Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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