I cockslap morals
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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