This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
