Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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