I need help removing her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This house was built for laser tag.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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