Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
