She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
