the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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