im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
