my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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