tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I just put wine in my tea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
