He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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