Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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