This dress was meant to end up on your floor
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
