if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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