im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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