I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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