I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
