He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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