I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
