Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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