hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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