i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That accounts for only three of the penises
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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