ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
