are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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