well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
