I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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