I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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