What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
