How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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