the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
