Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
