you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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