how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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