i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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