My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
