how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
