This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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