You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At least make sure they are 18
Why
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
