my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
