whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
