White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
