Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
