And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
