Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
