I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
