apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
