how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
