your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
