for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
