So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
