I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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