That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
