What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
