but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
