I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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